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" 'Have you not learned by now that they are the same?' She said. 'Did Hry not teach you that as it is above, so it is below? Death without life is hollow and cruel, and life without death an empty mockery. All things must be in their time, in their course. For an old man to die when his time has come is not evil. You know that.' "
- pg. 341, Black Ships by Jo Graham
  
Is it just I or does time feel it has slowed down to the finite snapshot of every ticking sand?
I'm procrastinating as usual, fluttering back and forth between my room where my scattered textbooks, pens and notebook lies and to the living room where the blinking glow of the computer monitor remains stagnant. I go over my agenda and the dates. I count off the lines. I feel trapped and bored. Listless.
There is a lot I want to complete but bound by a mental starightjacket, I concede I do have time left to my lifeline. Where is the source of this rushed feeling? Speed speed speed. What am I suppose to attain?
transitional phase
Yesterday, I changed my research paper topic with it due in less than a week. Very dumb of me but the previous one I challenged myself with was too vast. Seeking specific information amongst the sea of it all left me floundering and lost, especially when I choose not to rely on the internet. (I do not trust the internet for sources to write into my papers. I may use it read up for general information but in the end, I end up amongst dusty tomes.) So... I changed it.
Previous topic:
 Theatre at Epidauros -vs-Colosseum (Flavian Amphitheatre) 
Muddling through murky architecture jargon and dry ancient floorplans, I gave up looking for anything significant about their hisotrical context. I'd find a snippet here or there but obviously they didn't amount to a paper I could ream on and on with.
Current choice (my backup):
 Menkaure and Khamerernebty -vs-Sarcophagus with Reclining Couple 
Befuddled and all turned around - that is what I am.
Online search engines are always your friend: what is the format of a compare and contrast essay?
be still for a little while
I know I'm one to be bored easily. I also know the state of boredom is based upon how much one can occupy themselves. The world isn't out to entertain or amuse me. It is not at my beck and call like a ridiculous court jester. I am the one to allow myself to be drawn in and frolick with the rest. I can choose to join the festivities or stand aside and gaze impassively.
Like attracts like. In the past, I hung out with similiar listless individuals, ghostly impressions of their true selves. They disdained and mocked the happy people, yet drawn to their movements and joy. Every so often, something breaks through and I laughed out loud with the rest of them. I looked over my shoulder and saw the rest of them mimicking the majority half-heartedly. They still said the same dreaded sentence: "I'm boooooored." Why the fuck are you still bored? If you're bored, why don't you leave? Why are you still here? Why don't you find something which doesn't bore you?
It doesn't happen that way. Instead, they remain, hollow and stale, waiting for someone else to pique their interest and motivate them.
After this, I decided to refrain from saying, "I'm bored." I am always active and doing something. If I can't think of anything and an answer is still demanded, I tend to end up with, "I'm good./I'm okay." Or maybe an inane answer, "I'm breathing/reading a book/standing in the kitchen." I'm not dead.
The state of boredom can only be resolved by one person.
I tend to keep myself busy. I seek for projects or something to occupy myself. But I'm also told it's okay to be bored once in a while. It's okay to allow myself fallow time where I do nothing at all. When was the last time I had this? I don't know what to do with time off nowadays. It's a foreign concept. I'm attached to my agenda with something jotted down every single day. One week in. One week out.
It's no wonder I feel time passes by very quickly yet I do not recall the time spent.
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| | Posted 10/30/2009 9:32 PM - 34 Views - 12 eProps - 7 comments
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