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Last night, I wrote a short letter of good luck to my manager Licka. I know she's been working crazy hours because Bulldog is on sick leave due to her hip surgery. Licka was getting a bit antsy especially after working her ninth day in a row. Could one call it cabin fever? Anyway, she gushed about her upcoming volleyball tournament in Whistler this Saturday. Her anticipation and excitement hit the roof. She needed to fly full throttle in her passion (volleyball) and to relieve her stress and frustration levels.
This afternoon, when she came in, she gave me a shy, bubbly smile before leaning in for a hug. For a second, I froze, unsure if she would smell the Chiense ointment in my hair and feeling like a gross doll she shouldn't touch. (I rubbed some on my scalp the night before because I couldn't sleep from a throbbing pain in my head.)
Licka found my letter cute (but she seems to find everything about me is cute, even if it's weird, I'm weird and cute) and it seemed to her whole day up to be a good one. She also up opened more to me, conversing more naturally than usual. Maybe I have a stand-off-ish vibe when it comes to work because I try to remain as professional and work-friendly as possible.... without falling into any gray areas. (My personal life is already one gray blob. I'd like to somewhat control my work environment. My mind strays easily.) But it was nice - a warmth which eased me a little.
This is probably one of the best examples of one of my letters directly affecting another individual in a positive way.
I like it.
With that encouragement, I don't know why I stopped my correspondance a long time ago for several years.
Work is also an interesting place for me to write letters too. However, I want to avoid any jealousy issues or minor seeds of resentment. There has to be a specific reason for me to write to any of my coworkers. So far...
McKennel - belated birthday letter (June 29th)
Nikkiques - moving back to Vancouver Island to live with boyfriend and transfering to one of our locations there
Fire Zoo - resigning to paint full time - already with a willing investor
I'd like to write a letter in a puzzle/code format to Porterice but I need a message first. (I've noted her interests in crosswords and soduku puzzles.)
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doot doot doot....
Wednesday Afternoon Quickies
- Monday night, karate training, in the middle of basics, I pulled a groin muscle on my right side. Very uncomfortable but it was pretty mild. I've pulled a calf muscle during sex which hurt a hell lot more. A hot soak in the bath helps but next morning, I limped awkwardly at work and I was painfully slow when I needed to bend down to get stuff from low cabinets.
- My new GUESS hoop earrings are too heavy. They may look fun and flirty awesome but not suitable for me after all. Ear holes are sore.
- Owner of a new alarm clock. I asked the guy at the electronic store for something with just an alarm. I don't need the time nor a radio - just an alarm. Now I have one I can double as a flashlight and need to make a cover of some sort to block its damn light. I need relative darkness to pass out. At least its annoying buzzing gets me up for work... and it rings again in ten minutes. Just my kind of bitchy clock.
- My phone is back in business, I've learnt there's a different way for a Sony Ericson owner to pull out the charger. One is suppose to push it up or down, not yank it straight out. Understood. Tender loving care for my phone charger in the future - for sure.
- After karate Monday night, I picked up my camera and chilled with Midget and her dogs - mostly Cubby. I've missed that puppy. He's been attending doggy obedience school every Saturday and he seems to be doing very good. *thumbs up* But it's been so long since I've visited him, he shied away from me. I'm familiar but he struggles to place me. He hide behind Midget with his face cocked to the side, assessing me. It was damn cute. Eventually he came away, licking my hand repeatedly. (Ick. Doggy cooties.) He's growing into a big boy now. His tongue was about the length of my hand. His graduation is Saturday, July 18th. I plan to attend and take lots of pictures. <3 Cutie puppy.
- Working five times a week forced my sleeping habits to hit normal hours instead of graveyard hours.I woke up at 9:30am today with no plans to do anything. I still felt tired so I crawled underneath my toasty covers and fell asleep until 4:30pm. I think I caught up with sleep for the last four days. (With my phone out of order, I had no alarm. I drifted and slept for five hours before abruptly rousing myself, afraid I'd be late for work. Hated it.)
- Lately, I've taken to listing/numbering off my thoughts for the sake of listing and clearing out my head of random stray thoguhts, no matter how big of small it is. Extremely helpful for focusing. Expell as much as possible in an orderly fashion and then turn attentions to more pressing matters. Listing = fun.
- I finished the last of the milk this morning before my brother did. I feel very proud of myself. *grin*
1. Daisy Chain Shade by nice
2. moulin - plum rose with feather and netting by thehoneycomb
3. Matryoshka Doll by luxedeluxe
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1. Rainbow Bracelet 5 strands by thepinkchick
2. Dainty classic navy beaded crochet tear drop earrings by ckcrochic
3. Hello Hello, Set of 6 Cards by FancifulForm
4. His and Hers - Vinyl Wall Decal by TextStyle
5. Little Red Button Pouch by smeeta
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At times, cellphones are necessary.
With my cellphone in the kaputz because my charger sucks balls. Half the time, I'm never sure if it is truly jolting life back into my little friend. Due to this unexpected hiccup with my meagar stash of electronic gadgets (which I try to keep to a minimum), I've taken up the good ol' landline at home.
In an effort to keep her phone bill to a minimum, Lollipop uses her landline too - before 6:00pm, of course. Her mom already throws a berserker fit each time anyway because people keep texting Lollipop... and Bell charges $0.15 for each incoming. Yes, incoming. To torture her, one can send a steady stream of incoming text messages and never need a reply. *sigh* In some cases, she cannot resist replying to some. Wang has the same problem too. He's trying to get out of Bell though whereas Lollipop plans to cave in to Bell's wicked ways and pay an extra $5 for unlimited incoming and outgoing text messaging. (I try to avoid sending text messages to these two because of this.)
Anyway, I digress.
Cellphones are for people to call to another person.
Landlines are only numbers connected to a place.
Nowadays, when I check the home phone, I never can tell if Lollipop called me or not. I see her home number and I hesitate. Did Lollipop call me or did her mom call to talk to my mom? I swear we provide fodder for our mothers to gossip about us. Eh. But they want opposites for each of us. Lollipop's mother wants us to find boyfriends and settle down in relationship bliss. My mom prefers if I stayed single and out of the way of guys. She imagines they are constantly trying to get into my pants. I neither confirm or deny her assumptions. I let her imagination go wherever.... which probably isn't the best way to deal with it. I fear I've driven my mom up the wall with my antics during high school. There's a certain level of shit-hitting-the-fan my mother expects from me. Unless I'm toting female friends around.... for some reason, she believes having female friends will keep me more grounded. She never thinks they'd egg me on for the sake of entertainment.
Oh Mother.....
What will I ever do with you?
However, I'd like to point out... I'm not that unruly anymore. I've tamed my odd-angled rebellion, trimmed it to a manageable size. I'd like to think I gained quite a bit of discipline from karate to keep myself from going totally batshit crazy when I'm emotionally or mentally unstable.
Just me. Oui oui?
I expect there will be more writing going on around here
when it's winter time and the sun isn't luring people into fresh air.
Enjoy while it lasts.
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After work, I stopped by the Chinatown Night Market to check out for stationary sets (only one unappealing boix could be found), phones (only accessories) and at Lollipop's request, shaved ice (none available). Of course, I ran into F21 (wearing the jade necklace) again. We were awkward... again. It may be because he called me up last summer for dinner and I declined... and didn't talk to him for the rest of the season. It doesn't seem to be a summer at all for me without some form of contact with him. As far as I can tell, it's been every summer since he set up his booth at Richmond Night Market.
NDM once mentioned the difference between dating a girl and going on a couple dates with a girl. (Of course, I can't find that entry now. He only leaves his eye candy for show. Any words are immediately swallowed up by him again - taken back to the source.) I can relate to the feeling.
I've never dated F21. I went on a couple outings and possibly one date with him..... which ended with him testing donuts at Stanley Park while I try to finish my ice cream. It's always an odd moment with him. Our language barrier doesn't help and he refuses to go along with the odd splatter of Chinese and English. I understand him. I simply reply back in English. He insists I speak Chinese to him or he'll attempt to speak his broken English to me. It leaves a bit lacking. We avoid a lot of verbal communications. Maybe I'll take him out clubbing with Lollipop and her friends. He might enjoy it if he doesn't feel old. He's painfully shy and yet, at times, when I listen to him male bond with his boys, he comes off almost arrogant - almost to the point where I want to prick and pop his bubble. His sister pushes him at me, egging him on to have fun with his life. (He's a workoholic.) His niece mentions a "girlfriend" in China. I never know what to say. They are almost like a horrid Chinese soap opera waiting to happen. Thankfully, I keep my polite distance.
I didn't stay at Chinatown Night Market. If I did, at F21's insistence, he'd feed me some noodles he made himself, plop down a can of pop by my hand (despite the fact I decline carbonated drinks unless dancing at a club) and offer to drive me home at the end of it all. I've seen him and his buddies pack up into their van so often, I could probably do it blindfolded myself. I almost miss the routine, coming down to his tent every weekend.
All in all, it's the same as other summers. If I ever want to see him, I know where to find him on the weekends. His cellphone number is still the same and he continues to offer to buy me clothes with no commitment required from me. I'm not in a looking mood, especially for him. F21 is a dead end. He's only for platonic fun and not even verbally stimulating one at that.
Obviously, walking to the skytrain from the Night Market left me in a musing mood. At least I have it all shoved out of my brain and left here to languish.
Yesterday I wrote the first letter of 5000... and it's to rhetorical_soul. I've already decided, for the first ten recipitents will be individuals I didn't write to in June.
titles
Lollipop, my partner-in-crime, my best buddy, my godsister, my childhood friend, my distant-cousin-related-to-me-via-my-mom-and-her-mom, my rock during a family breakdown....
She's off to Nanaimo on Vancouver Island this weekend to finish writing a paper. She dragged her brother and his laptop along. It's to keep her isolated from her nutty friends calling her out, karate people hanging out and clubbing it up downtown. Knowing she is there makes me wish she was here.
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Of late, I haven't felt the urge to post on Xanga. I wouldn't point fingers but I know the moment it changed and left me slightly bitter for a short period of time. Instead, I've turned to my own personal pen'n'notebook journaling, starting up in a new, blank Moleskine cahier. Between it and writing letters, I've kept occupied and temporarily satisfied... despite the fact I'm use to communication with others far from my reach. I'm use to sharing pieces of me everywhere, splattered in short spurts.
It was Katana's little blip back into the world which caught my eye and I decided to eventually fall back in line here. I cannot hide forever and only from one mean-spirited individual.
June is done and so is my daily letter writing project. A new writing project is in the works and I'm hammering out the guidelines to it. The month-long assignment I gave myself showed several details which leads into my new letter-writing deal. Some days, I struggled to pen a few sentences sufficient enough for a mini letter, and other days, I slipped into my flow naturally, popping off three or four letters within two hours.
Therefore, I decided on an open-ended project. I have a goal to write 5000 letters. I'm going to number them as I write them and keep track in my journal. There is no deadline. Every time I get the overwhelming feeling when I realize how far I am from my goal, I calm my heartbeat and remind myself it's a slow'n'steady project with no ending any time soon. I should enjoy it. I can write whenever I want with no pressure. Let the feeling of achievement hit my chest as I number the back of each letter. Let's face it: my life isn't interesting all the bloody time. I write a lot but it doesn't mean a lot of people find it witty, engaging or even remotely funny. *shrug* I'm going to need to remind myself when the school semester starts in September. I don't want to fall behind because I lost the habit. It could take me another two years before I get back into it regularly. (Yup. I've been off the letter-writing wagon before.) I'm also crossing my fingers when it hits November when I attempt the NaNoWriMo again. (Are there any karate tournaments that month? Unsure. Will check.)
So.... onward! Again.
Eventually, I registered for two courses in the autumn semester and waiting to register a third. I accumulated a list and narrowed it down to a introductory sociology course, based on how it fit my schedule. I'm curious about the world and I love learning but I can't help feeling a little lost and murky about my future. I have a steadying focus from karate but I don't plan to be a professional athlete - nowhere close to that.
Where will I end up?
I'm also stuck with the the troublesome mess from my brother's end. I haven't paid for any of the courses yet. I'm banking on my brother's attitude and behaviour in August. If he falls into a hissy fit of some sort, I'll drop school and continue working. The back-up plan is a possibility of online courses but I need to figure out the Blackboard CE system thing. (They have on campus orientations available. I've marked them down.) I'm crossing my fingers and hoping against hope everything will turn out well. If he seems relatively normal and in good mood, I'll go to school. *sigh* I can't let my brother's actions run my life but I can't exactly escape him either. I'm playing with the cards dealt to me. What else can one do? (Besides wish for a reshuffle, of course.)
I'm pondering the programs. There are three possibilities: Library & Info Tech (In short, teacher-librarian. Why? I love the library and I'm use to researching, looking up bits of information all the time. I can easily imagine myself in one 40 hours a week.), Publishing (my first choice from the get-go in Grade 12) and Journalism (although there are probably better Journalism programs elsewhere). There is also an Associate of Arts Degree in Creative Writing - another potential but unsure if I really need it.
I'm chewing at the bit about it.
For a short while, I thought about going into massage therapy because everyone keeps asking me if I've ever thought about it. I'm good at massages and they appreciate my fingers. I just don't know any massage therapy schools in Vancouver. I'd have to go through the whole hassle of figuring out whether the tuition for massage therapy (and license) is worth the income I could potentially raise within the first five years of coming out of school. Eh.
Choices. Choices. Choices.
Where am I going to end up?
The future is a black abyss.
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